Worst Athletes-turned-Artist Creations

On Sunday Night in New York City, Shaquille O’Neal was asked (probably jokingly) to step to the mic and freestyle. Never one to shy away from the spotlight, one minute later, Shaquille O’Neal, NBA great and future hall of famer, became ShaqFu, embarrassing rapper and YouTube joke.

Why do so many athletes feel the need to release music? What? Is there not enough garbage on the radio already? It seems like every week, another athlete makes a trip to the studio and 3 minutes later (I’ll never believe any of these could have taken longer than that) we get hysterical songs worthy only of my top 5 worst athlete-turned-“artist” creations.

5) As you may have heard, the NBA has a bit of an image problem. As it turns out, NBA fans don’t appreciate being attacked in the stands they paid 200 dollars to get into, and they don’t like hearing about choked coaches and night-club shootings, so, somewhere along the line, NBA athletes were pegged as a bad people. I don’t think this is the case, but it’s hard to argue when players like Allen Iverson seemingly do all they can to convince me it is. In 2000, the NBA set out to fix their image problems, laying down the foundations for future programs such as a league wide dress code and a zero-tolerance off-court conduct policy. They put together a committee of “image experts” and sent out letters reminding players to make good decisions. Probably too busy in the studio to read the letter, Jewelz, aka Allen Iverson, produced his first single called “40 Barz.” I’m not an image expert, but this CAN NOT be what Commissioner David Stern would consider good for his league. Oh, and by the way, in case you were wondering, this song has no chorus because “this type of murda don’t need no hook - just forty [expletive] bars from the mouth of a crook.” Someone once said there are only two ways out of the hood – music or basketball. If that’s true, let’s just say AI should be especially thankful for that crossover.

4) Before playing second fiddle to the Diesel in the Lakers 2000-2002 three-peat, Kobe Bryant found time to make an album of his own in 1999. Never heard about it? Neither has anyone else because Columbia Records decided not to release the album, which says a lot about how bad the album actually was. It was Columbia, after all, that decided to release that Mariah Carey album “Glitter” that sold 7 copies and gave the singer an emotional breakdown…literally. Unfortunately, one of the songs did escape Columbia Records’ quality control patrol and gave us “K.O.B.E.” The song featured the equally-talented Tyra Banks and a catchy chorus - “K-O-B-E, I L-O-V-E you.”

3) Most athletes just can’t accept it when their careers are over and they do all they can to stay on the sports pages long after we no longer want to see them. Most try to remind us about their past by trying out for teams they can’t make and attempting feats they can’t do. But all-time great boxer, Roy Jones Jr., found another way to keep his name in the headlines when he released “Y’all Must’ve Forgot.” The song documents his career, moment-by-moment, in an anything-but-clever way. For example, that time Jones beat Percy Harris – “The ‘best pound for pound’ is mine/ Hit Percy Harris with four hooks at one time/Y’all must’ve forgot!” Or the time he knocked out Virgil Hill – “Will there be another Roy Jones? Probably not/ Stopped Virgil Hill with a body shot/ See, y'all must’ve forgot!” There’s nothing else to the song - no chorus, no bridge, just bad story telling. Please don’t make another one, Roy. We haven’t forgotten – but we really want to.

2) Athletes making music is by no means a recent evil. Even legends make the mistake of attempting to translate athletic success into music success. The Great Mohammad Ali, in the worst moment of his professional life, had an album of his own filled with bad songs and a worse album title – “Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay” The funniest song on the album, “Who Cracked the Liberty Bell?” is an all-time favorite.

1) When he wasn’t punching fans or wearing out locker room welcomes, Ron Artest found enough time to create an album. Although, he claims it was a year in the making, one listen makes it clear this was made overnight. Failing to make music he’d find on MTV one day, he, instead, created a song of PBS interest and Nickelodeon complexity, that only has a place on Comedy Central.

The number one worst athlete-turned-artist creation is “I Like My Song” by Ron Artest. The hilarious chorus (“I don’t care if you don’t like my song, I like song, I like my song”), hysterical concept, and the thought of the studio conversation before they decided that this song was worth making, gives this song the number one spot.

Share this story: